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Jeepers Creepers – What a FREAKER!
Name: Johnny Washburn
Age: 5 months
Reviewer: Terri Baker
I’ve been babysitting since I was only 11, which was like, three whole years ago, so you can believe me when I say I know LOTS about babies. Like, did you know that when you push really hard on that gross soft spot on their heads, that you’re basically like smooshing their brains? You totally are.
Anyway, I’ve been babysitting Johnny Washburn for like a couple months, every Friday when his parents go eat dinner at Pineglen Golf Club. At first I thought Johnny was OK because he was pretty quiet and stuff, but after last week, now I think he’s totally the CREEPIEST baby EVER!
When I got there at 6 o’clock, Johnny was asleep. So I’m all just watching the O.C. and doing Geometry homework on the phone with my best friend Tina. But then when I get up to pour another vodka cranberry, I hear Johnny like totally bawling his eyeballs out, so I’m all L8TR to Tina, and I bring him downstairs so he’ll stop crying. But he doesn’t. He keeps crying and crying and crying, so loud that I get this wicked bad headache – like totally POUNDING. So I go and get five Vicodin from the big stash I accidentally found at the back of Mrs. Washburn's underwear drawer.
So then I’m like sitting on the couch holding Johnny, and he’s still screaming, and screaming, and screaming. But I guess I must have been really super tired from field hockey practice or something, because I totally took a disco nap.
Here’s the thing though, when I wake up like an hour later, it’s totally quiet. And then I’m like, what’s that funny tickle feeling? And that’s when I look down and see that Johnny pulled up my shirt and gro-bra and is mad SUCKING ON MY BOOB! I was like, “OMIGOD! GET OFF ME, YOU GROSS LITTLE KINKY SEX FREAK!!”
I used to think I liked ALL babies, but Johnny Washburn changed that. I’ll bet that someday he’s totally going to go to PRISON!
RATING: 
Posted by Baby Review at November 4, 2005 03:49 PM
