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Pint-Sized Philistine

Name: Joshua Grey
Age: 22 months
Reviewer: Cassandra Matthews

Let it be known that I tried my best to be patient with Joshua. But after watching a tenth sheet of construction paper endure a kind of vicious gang-rape by his chubby crayons, I could hold my peace no longer. After all, how can I serve the Gods of Art if I refrain from dispensing unvarnished criticism? How can there be growth in the absence of honesty? To wit: Joshua’s "drawings" are abhorrent. Trite and precious, he lacks discipline, craft, or even, dare I say, talent. His brutish scrawling, uninspired sense of color, and crude, blunt strokes represent the very height of self-indulgence. Plainly, he sucks. And yet somehow more offensive than the output itself is the bright-eyed, self-satisfied way he presents this rubbish, like a prodigy unveiling a masterpiece. I just don't know what to say. Honestly, he should thank me for running the trash through a shredder. I don't really care if it was a picture of (shudder!) me. Do I look like a stroke patient's art therapy project? I think not!

The canvas is an infinite space upon which true artists impart their subconscious, taming the blank chaos with color, depth, richness and meaning. What Joshua did, instead, was revel in a self-induced Crayola seizure, then have the audacity to present it as art. Honestly, why not simply staple a price tag to a soiled Pampers and call it art? If you want my professional opinion, Joshua would do well to abandon the quest for self-expression while he’s behind, and begin actively preparing for his destined future in the realm of all that is blue collar and menial.

On a positive note, Joshua has been blessed with the opportunity to have his work evaluated by a holder of MULTIPLE community college art program certificates. (ME!)

RATING:

Posted by Baby Review at November 4, 2005 03:34 PM